Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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