Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
