If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
