So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
