i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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