I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
