you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
