Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
