Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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