Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm like, not good at living.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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