They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
