I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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