Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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