Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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