you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
