told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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