you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
