We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
