I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
