It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
