Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
