bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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