so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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