I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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