He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
