Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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