Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
