it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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