yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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