it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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