I hate all girls vehemently.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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