That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
