i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
