Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
