I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
