I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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