did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
