Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
