I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
