Soap is not a condiment
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
