I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
