My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
