it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
