my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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