I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
