We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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