Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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