i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
