If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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