I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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