You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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