she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
