I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize