I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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