I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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