Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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