Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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