But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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