If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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