your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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