I just pynch a tree in the face
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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