i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
