I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
