nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize