So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
