dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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